Wednesday, March 16, 2005

AP To Provide Alternative Leads, To Enable Papers To Compete With The Internet On Early Breaking Stories

The Associate Press announces that on early-breaking stories it will provide clients with alternative leads, so they will have the option not to be scooped by the Internet. It's a sign of our times.

They haven't given any examples yet, so I'm going to do them a favor, providing some alternative lead suggestions for past historic events, showing how much more we will learn..

1. Lincoln Assassination. Main AP lead: "President Lincoln Shot at Ford Theatre in Washington by Assassin."
Alternative: "Crowd Annoyed at 'Our American Cousin' Play After Loud Noise Disrupts Laughter."

2. Dec. 7, 1941: Main Lead: "Japanese Attack Pearl Harbor, Sink Battleship Arizona and Other U.S. Ships."
Alternative: "Oil Leak From Boat Causes Environmentalist Furore In Hawaii."

3. 9-11: Main Lead: "Arab Terrorists Attack New York and Washington, Raze Twin Towers and Damage Pentagon, Kill Thousands."
Alternative. "Afghan-based Rebels Make U.S. Visit."

4. Roosevelt Dies: Main Lead: "FDR Dies of Cerebral Hemmorage."
Alternative: "Lucy Mercer Snubs Eleanor, Visits Prez In Warm Springs, Ga."

5. Nixon resigns: Main Lead. "Nixon Resigns Presidency in Watergate Climax."
Alternative: "Nixon Gives Triumphant Wave As He Boards Helicopter."

6. Eastwood, Swank, Freeman win Oscars: Main Lead: "Clint Eastwood and Young Paramour Hilary Swank Win Oscars."
Alternative: "Catholic Church Spurned In Euthanasia-based Drama."

7. Hindenburg Crash: Main Lead: "Nazi Dirigible Hindenburg Blows Up At Lakehurst, N.J."
Alternative: "Radio Announcer Sparks Controversy by Yelling About Humanity, Riling Crowd."

8. U.S. Atom Bombs Hiroshima. Main Lead: "Atomic Bomb Equivalent to 20,000 Tons of TNT Destroys Hiroshima, Japan."
Alternative: "A Hot Time In The Old Town Tonight Opposed in Dovish L.A. Times Editorial."

9. Hitler Invades Poland: Main Lead: "Germany Invades Poland."
Alternative: "Poland Attacks Germany."

10. Lexington and Concord: "American Minutemen Fire Shot Heard Round The World; Turn British Force Back at the Concord Bridge."
Alternative: "Redcoats Disrupt Colonial Arms Storage Plans in Gallant Raid Outside Boston."

Ah yes, this is going to be a great improvement.



Blogger Empowerqueen said...

How frieightening to them it must be that the actual news story carries more weight than their personalities!
Grace be with you..

3/16/2005 6:01 PM  
Blogger Transit Nerd said...

Hey Ken, what about the missing columns? The Inside Politics column disappeared from the paper this Monday, but no one seems to have commented upon this.

I guess the paper needed this news hole for breaking AP news.


3/17/2005 8:40 AM  
Anonymous James C. Hess said...

There is due reason for why the AP Wire Service is called 'the AP LIAR Service', and this latest antic does nothing to dispell that.

3/18/2005 7:26 AM  
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