Monday, July 16, 2007

Conversation Between Hiller And O'Shea, (Satire)

Here is a possibly not-so-imaginary conversation between the Chicago toadies -- L.A. Times publisher David Hiller and editor James O'Shea -- in wake of Hiller's announcement of plans to put ads on Page 1 of all Tribune newspapers, including the Times.

Hiller: James, that was great. The old carrot and stick. I announce the ads, and you denounce them. That will certainly fool the newsroom.

O'Shea: I don't know. I think they may be catching on to us.

Hiller: Nonsense. Our credibility remains high. They think we mean well for the newspaper. They just don't realize that what we're really going to do is sink the Times and get the revenge FitzSimons wants.

O'Shea: That's what I can't figure out. Why does he hate the Times, Los Angeles and California so much?

Hiller: He's envious. He realizes he lives in a second rate city, with bad food besides, and Los Angeles is first rate. He can't stand it. He has that old Richard Nixon mentality of resenting his betters. You should hear his tape-recorded conversations.

O'Shea: But why are we going along? Why don't we follow Baquet, Carroll, Puerner and Johnson and at least grab a little glory for ourselves? We could find other jobs.

Hiller: Don't be a fool. Don't you realize that when the paper goes under, if we've done what FitzSimons wants without complaining, we'll participate in the big bonuses that always go to business failures like Mark Willes. We'll be millionaires for life.

O'Shea: I suppose so. That will be some consolation.

Hiller: I'll be smiling all the way to the bank. After all, the bonuses will come mainly out of the employees' 401 K's. They'll be stuck in lasting squalor in their old age, and we'll have homes on the Riviera.

O'Shea: And we won't have to eat all that bad Chicago food any more. So what's your next step, after the Page 1 ads?

Hiller: I've been thinking about it. We can kill off the Sports section, possibly. After all, when Tribune sells the Cubs, we'll no longer have any interest in Sports.

O'Shea: A ha! But won't Bill Dwyre be mad? After all, we ran a full page ad on him.

Hiller: That was only to lull him and all his friends into complacency. Advertise about how proud you are to have them on one day, and lay them off the next, that's what I say. I got that from my friend, Don Rumsfeld.

O'Shea: Still, sometimes I have a twinge of conscience. My parents raised me to be honorable and straightforward.

Hiller: Don't be a chump. Nice guys finish last, as the Cubs prove again and again.

O'Shea: You don't think old Sam Zell may still foil our plans, do you?

Hiller: Hell no. FitzSimons has already put one over on him, hasn't he? If Zell meant to help the company, he'd have fired him long ago.

(Both men take another chaw of chewing tobacco, and hit each other on the back. Conversation ends).


Roman Catholic Cardinal Roger Mahony looks like the morally sick old man he is in making an apology to all the people who were victimized by pedofile priests. However, his apology is not enough. Mahony should resign, and spend the rest of his life in disgrace.

Thanks, meanwhile, to the great Superior Court judge who handled this case, Haley Fromholz, a classmate of mine at Dartmouth in the 1950s. Fromholz worked 27 years in a Los Angeles law firm, before deciding to take a pay cut and become a judge. He didn't enjoy the pedofile cases, but, thank God, he has done his duty.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd stick to your day job, Ken.

Or, in the absence of a day job, I wouldn't go into comedy.

7/16/2007 8:25 PM  

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